You anxiously re-check your email.

It’s been 3 hours since you first hit ‘Send’, and you still haven’t gotten a response.

Nervous energy builds as you contemplate the possibilities.

You try to suppress the thoughts in your head telling you that this one really could be the one.

You wait…and wait…and wait for a response.

Finally, it comes – that little ‘RE:’ of hope in your inbox.

Your heart thumps in your chest as you open the message and begin to read.

Quick: was that passage about a job search or an online dating encounter?

Comparing the 2 may seem a bit far-fetched, but considering the myriad of different technologies that have been infused into both processes – they really do look a lot alike. If you think about it, the beginning is exactly the same in the job search scene as it is in the dating scene.

It all starts with an online search.

In the beginning, most people are just looking to see what’s out there and compare options. The idea is not to spend too much time on any one prospect, but instead just to get ourselves out there.

Once we find a few options we might be interested in –

that’s when the game really begins.

Dating Scene

In the initial stages, when there’s only potential interest, we swipe left (or up or diagonally – I’ll be honest, I can’t keep up), but we don’t put much effort into it. We go through about a bajillion different options, Yes-ing or No-ing each one, but only half paying attention.

At this stage, even if we’re genuinely interested and ‘swipe’ on someone (is that even close the right terminology?), we reserve any real investment until they ‘swipe back’.

Job Search Scene

In the initial stages, when there’s only potential interest, we just click ‘Submit’ with no real follow-up. We may not even include a cover letter – even though we always should! Usually, we just ‘shotgun’ our resume out there hoping to hit something of substance.

In both situations, we know it probably won’t produce anything, but who knows?

What happens if we think there might be a match?

Dating Scene

When there’s legitimate potential for a match, usually we’ll send ‘stock response’ message including an expression of interest, and initial information about the things we’re into and what we’re looking for.

Job Search Scene

When there’s legitimate potential for a match, we send a well-crafted professional resume and a targeted cover letter. And let’s be real – these totally serve as the ‘expression of interest’, and the ‘things we’re into and looking for’ of the job search scene.

In both cases, we’re investing a little bit more energy, without being too vulnerable. Our options are still wide open, and we can walk away at any time, without issue.

But we’re hopeful. We’re starting to imagine the real potential in this new, exciting opportunity.

Once we’ve established an initial connection, we seek more details.

Dating Scene

This stage usually includes in-app messages, texts, or emails (or – GASP – phone calls!)  further detailing what we are seeking from the relationship while demonstrating the value we have to offer. We’re also feeling out the situation, trying to learn more about the personality of the other person and whether or not to move forward.

(And often, we’re just trying to figure out if the person on the other end really is who they say they are, or if they’re just trying to scam you. Sad, but true.)

Job Search Scene

This is the stage that we might complete a screening survey or schedule a phone interview. Like the corresponding stage in the Dating Scene, we’re further detailing what we are seeking and demonstrating our value, while also trying to assess whether the job offers the things we need and want.

(And again, we’re often trying to judge whether the reality of opportunity matches what’s being presented.)

If all the above stages go well, then we move on to the first meeting.

Dating Scene

Ahh, the first date – awkward for (almost) everyone.

Nervously trying to present the best version of ourselves without coming across as disingenuous. Trying to talk enough, but not too much. Trying to reveal enough about ourselves to let them get to know us, but not enough to send them running. (Or is that just me?)

Basically, we’re trying to showcase all the best parts and hide all the worst.

At the same time, we’re also trying to learn more about the other person, to see if we have things in common and assess whether or not it feels like a good fit.

Job Search Scene

Ahh, the first interview – awkward for (almost) everyone.

Nervously trying to present the best version of ourselves without coming across as disingenuous. Trying to talk enough, but not too much. Trying to reveal enough about ourselves to let them get to know us, but not enough to send them running. We’re basically trying to showcase all the best parts and hide all the worst.

(I think you get the point.)

Beyond these stages, the resemblance becomes less pronounced.

But knowing that all these similarities exist, I though it might be helpful to look at some advice that works for both dating and the job search.

Advice That Works for Both Dating & the Job Search

• Be Yourself (Mostly) – Everyone has their own quirks and idiosyncrasies that may be best if not revealed right away (or at all, especially in the workplace!). But being inauthentic doesn’t usually lead to happiness. Find a balance.
• Clean Up Your Social Media – If you’re searching for a serious mate or a serious job, your social media presence will definitely come into play at some point. Decide how you want to present yourself, and make sure your social media matches that.
• Be Proactive – In both scenes, it’s all about getting out there and being an active participant in your life. Don’t assume happiness will find you.
• Ask Questions – It is equally important that your qualifications be met as it is that you meet the qualifications of the other person and/or job. This often doesn’t occur to us, especially job seekers, but it’s true! The more you know, the better – in both scenes.
• Tell Stories – Humans have long used storytelling to explain life, human behavior, and the unknown. Short anecdotes (a talent from your childhood, the first concert you ever attended, a recent project you completed) can be a great way to establish more about your personality and/or skills.
• Follow Up – If you think there’s a potential match, always take the time to follow up. I know there are a lot of unwritten ‘rules’ in the dating scene how long to wait, but to me that’s all nonsense. If it’s something you’re interested in – in dating or in life – go for it.
• Go Big or Go Home – Don’t let the idea that someone or something is ‘out of your league’ stop you from trying. In dating and in the job search, it doesn’t hurt to at least try. Every ‘No’ gets you one step closer to the right ‘Yes’.